I have a Celebrity Friend, well when I say 'friend' what I mean is 'I met him once at a gig of his, and he follows me on Twitter, where, once in a blue moon, we chat or rant about the world and the absolute tossers who run it'.
Now I don't know if he is a minor or a major celebrity in the world, but I do know that here in the UK at least, his face is known to millions. What I am not sure about is, whether that mark's him out a big deal or a little deal, but what I do know, is that I like the guy.
His brand of humour amuses me. His wit is quirky, insightful, sharp, dour, and to top it all off he has these moments of brilliance which frankly put many of his contemporaries to shame.
Another thing I like about the guy is that he isn't up his own arse.
He has this I am me and fuck you if that's not good enough, attitude which makes me giggle. But more importantly than any of that, is the fact that he cares about the world we live in, and despite working in a field where contrary establishment opinions can see you disappear into the oblivion of 'whatever happened to that guy', he still vents his rage against injustice and those in power who abuse us all so severely whether they be Tory, Labour, SNP, UKIP, black, white, Catholic, Gentile, Jew, Muslim, American, British, Australian, or Jim Davidson.
He's quite egalitarian like that. If you're a thieving scumbag politician, or a fucking idiot he calls you an idiot. And then, just to be fair to you, he goes on to explain in small words so that you can understand just why it is 'you are an idiot'.
How he manages to do this by using humour as his foil, and without blowing a gasket, is I guess why he and not I is the minor/major celebrity that he is.
He's a good guy and I have time for him.
Which is more than I can say for the majority of so called celebrities who pass across our screens these days, sharing their excrement in the newspapers [at least that is what these rags like to call themselves]?
Most of these people have little to no discernible talent.
They call themselves singers, but can't sing. They are branded [literally] as Artists, but have no conceptualisation of what Art is. They are hauled across faux award shows and lauded by the media [the people who created them] as figures to emulate, as something our young should aspire to. And then, at the apex of their fame, the media [who made them] break salacious stories about drugs, women, men, sex, more sex, more drugs, rehab, their fight against the latest celebrity illness craze, or, and this one always seems to appear because it's the biggie, 'My Fight Against Cancer'.
And unfortunately, for the rest of mankind, they all seem to survive the Big C and get richer.
And they survive in the main, because most of them probably never had the Big C in the first place, but how do you prove that without being unethical, and as the people without morals or principles or ethics are the same bastards who made them famous in the first place are the same people who should be doing REAL NEWS, that's never going to happen. After all they can save it for a rainy day, until that moment the nonentity made celebrity grows a conscience and decides to stop playing their game.
It's a power trip. Their infamy and ill luck is as manufactured as they themselves are. They are in fact famous for being famous, and they live in a symbiotic relationship with the press which is neither healthy for them, the press, or indeed - you and I.
This kind of celebrity is what you or I might call, The C List. There is money in it, if that is all you desire, but it's not a worthwhile life or even life at all. But hey, that's their choice so who the fuck am I to criticise, so I tend to ignore them and never write about such stuff. At least until now, but I excuse myself because I have a point here which is being missed by most, and to which I will eventually [I promise] arrive at.
Then there is the other kind of celebrity who is famous for being famously nasty.
Unfortunately for society, whilst they are limited in numbers, these so called 'reporters' wield a disproportionate and gargantuan power to influence the world around us in a way which massively outweighs their intellect and or value to society.
These types of scum are the creation of media moguls and they permeate through our culture, infecting it with their rank and base hate, turning the heads of the stupid and lazy towards a life less noble. Their sole purpose is to spread despite and loathing. They are trolls, but well paid ones.
And yes I am talking about the likes of Katie Hopkins and Toby Young.
Then there is the TV Stars, The B Lister's; and above them The 'A List Stars of Hollywood' and the silver screen.
Now these folks do have talent. Some more than others. Indeed some of them are even exceptional actors and actresses. Few however have that undefined 'it' which makes them stand out. That special form of charisma which makes them shine. The Bogart's and Bacall's of the A list world.
Most are pretty average people who happen to live under the microscope of an unreal world, made unreal by two things.
The nature of their Art.
And The Press.
What they are not however, despite the media hype and what The Press would have you believe in their stinking rags, is 'Supermen'.
They are as flawed and as real as you or I. The difference between you and them is that when you fuck up it get's forgotten. But when they fuck up, their mistakes are splashed across the face of the world by a very unscrupulous press.
I am guessing that is why A list Celebrities employs Press Agents. Managers. Why they have 'People'.
They might not be able to have the normal private life of you or I enjoy because of The Press, but at least they don't have to sully their hands or soil their souls by talking to the bastards in the media directly, at least most of the time.
And frankly who can blame them. There should be a school somewhere. A place A List Celebrities can go to learn the art of 'Fuck you, I am who I am, if you don't like it you can kiss my arse'. A place they can go to learn why talking to The Press is NEVER a good idea. Why it will always come back to haunt you.
All of which kind of brings me to my point...
Today I woke up to a story spread across the worlds Press, that a Hollywood A List Celebrity has HIV. That this A list Actor has been screwing around and that he may have deliberately infected lots of A list actresses. That he is a scumbag who has been deliberately spreading disease, famine, war, pestilence, plague, and is in fact the Anti-Christ... yadda yadda yadda.
The Daily Fail reported and quoted 'The Sun' [as a reliable source of data] who quoted an unnamed 'US showbiz insider' who quoted an secret source from inside Hollywood, who might have had some info from a guy who was once a follower of a holy man who lived in the desert, who once had a vision of God in a mirage, and kissed the feet of our Lord and Saviour 'Rupert Murdoch'.
And every cunt and his dog has jumped on the story and reported it as fact.
'In point of fact', some so called 'Reporters' talked about this unnamed actor as though they actually know the guy, and or may have possibly met him at some gig he did, or that he might follow them on Twitter.... you get my point.
THEY DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE GUY.
There are very few 'Real Reporters' left in this world who are worth a damn. NONE of them write for the criminal known as Rupert Murdoch, or write for The Daily Mail, or indeed report on 'Celebrity' in any shape or form.
Those are not reporters... they are a disease. An infection which the likes of Rupert Murdoch and
Jonathan Harmsworth, have foisted onto us as Reporters, but are in fact nothing more than paid LIARS.
Here is my list of Good Reporters...
1. John Pilger
As to my Celebrity friend who I once met at a gig?
I have lots of salacious stories about him to sell to Toby Young and Katie Hopkins.... Please send a check for £100,000 to
'I am not a Celebrity, get the fuck out of here you scumbags'.
Number 0 Nonentity Street.